Life brings us happiness and joy as well as pain and suffering. Our suffering might be from a recent disturbing incident, anger, persistent pain or fear from a fatal illness such as ALS. No one is exempt, no matter what story they tell you or what their life looks like. Every life is mix of treasures and traumas.
We should not be afraid of suffering, but instead we often repress it and cover it up with diversions, consumption and addictions. We should acknowledge and embrace our suffering with compassion and gentleness. Managing our suffering is an art to be mastered.
Some of us are curious and experimental and others of us are very reluctant to explore new paradigms and approaches. It takes getting out of your comfort zone and going where there are no guarantees. I am naturally curious and like to blend different approaches. But there is no right way or wrong way.
In 2009, I became intrigued by a process called “feeding your demons”. Since like everyone else, I have conscious and subconscious demons, I thought why not try feeding one of my demons. Doing so was also consistent with my approach of journeying with ALS rather than battling it. Nurturing rather than struggling.
In our society making peace with your demons instead of avoiding them or fighting them is uncommon. It is clearly different from the usual default response of hiding from or rejecting the threatening and ugly aspects of life. Feeding your demon is unconventional, although I have found it useful in my journey.
Someone said, “Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” I believe that is true.
"DEMON" WATERCOLOR BY REBECCA BRADSHAW
In her book Feeding Your Demons, renowned Buddhist teacher Tsultrim Allione describes a process that is based on an ancient Buddhist practice in which you identify one of your demons and then talk to and feed the demon as you would guests at a dinner party. This innovative approach is intended to transform your demons into friends. This mind body connection method has been helpful as a complementary approach to conventional medical treatment for pain management, cancer and other serious illnesses.
Tsultrim writes, “When we try to fight against or repress the disowned parts of ourselves that I call demons, they actually gain power and develop resistance. In feeding our demons we are not only rendering them harmless; we are also, by addressing them instead of running away from them, nurturing the shadow parts of ourselves, so that the energy caught in the struggle transforms into a positive protective force”.
Tsultrim gives the following example of a typical response to our demons: “When you drink another glass of wine instead of paying attention to your depression, it is not going to go away; in fact it will get stronger. Depression depletes you because it is “eating” at you unattended to while you are trying to get away from it. It’s like having a leech sucking on you without your knowing it”.
Examples of demons you may select to work with often involve fear, pain, anger or addictions.
Tsultrim suggests consciously paying attention to one of your demons and transforming it into a friend by following this process:
Feeding Your Demon Five Step Process:
Setting the Stage -
The process requires about 30 minutes ideally with your eyes closed and someone to guide you through the process. This person needs no special skills because they will be following a written script for the entire process. Select a trusted person that will keep your session between just you and them.
Step 1 select a personal demon you wish to work with
Step 2 personify the demon and ask it what it needs
Step 3 become the demon and ask it what it wants from you
Step 4 feed the demon what it requests and meet the ally (your friend) that the demon has been transformed into.
Step 5 rest in the new awareness of your ally or new friend
I have personally had three sessions using Tsultrim’s five step feeding your demon process outlined below. I found each session useful and I call on my allies for help.
Session 1 My demon was the physical sensations and changes in my body that cause me to believe that my ALS symptoms are worsening.
After feeding the demon as it requested, I transformed the demon into an ally (friend) that I named Daisy. Now I am able to call on Daisy for support rather than facing this former terrible ALS demon.
In the five step process you are asked to select a name for your new ally. I think Daisy came to mind because of my profound wildlife and human encounter with her while camping next to the Arctic Ocean in 2008. This was shortly after the Mayo Clinic had diagnose me with ALS.
Session 2 My demon was when I became doubtful whether I can complete a task or movement that was never in doubt prior to my ALS. This demon was transformed into an ally that offers me a helping hand whenever I question my ability to complete tasks or movements. I named my ally Dad for my father.
Session 3 My demon was when I over react rather than respond by merely listening, observing and acknowledging. Too often, I feel the need to correct the facts or over-state my view. This demon was transformed into an amazing red tailed hawk named Pale Male that has flown over New York City’s Central Park for years. Betty and I had the good fortunate to watch Pale Male effortlessly ride thermals over Central Park during our last visit to NYC.
Pale Male didn’t waste his time and energy dive bombing creatures below to show his dominance. There was no need for that because he could easily get a meal any time he pleased. Pale Male is a powerful role model for me regarding awareness and wisdom.
If you wish to learn more about feeding your demons see Allione Tsultrim’s Tara Manoala website for a written step by guide for using her five step process as well as a demonstration video that shows each step of the process that I followed in my sessions described above. Her book titled Feeding Your Demons was published by Little, Brown and Company in 2008.
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